I’m
so excited to have Naomi Powers. This amazing woman who also became part of an amazing
polyamorous relationship, joins me for this week’s Monday’s Tea guest. I can’t
wait to hear more about her extraordinaire lifestyle.
We all know that in this day and age,
polyamorous relationship is a big taboo and often criticized as a “not lasting
relation”. For some people, such relationships are ideally built upon values of
trust, loyalty, the negotiation of boundaries, and compression, as well as
overcoming jealousy, possessiveness, and the rejection of restrictive cultural
standards.
That is the reason why I invited Naomi
to come and tell us about the ups and downs of her relationship within our
society.
Here’s Naomi,
Q:
Welcome, Naomi! I’m so glad you could join us today.
Naomi: Thank you for having me!
Q:
Can you tell us a little about your background and How did you form the relationship?
Naomi: I come from a traditional, religious background, but always felt out of
place there. I have been in many
disappointing monogamous relationships that led me to question the whole idea
of monogamy in the first place. I found
myself in a relationship where I was not happy but I didn’t want to leave. I had interest in others, but that didn’t
have anything to do with my feelings for my partner at the time. However, that was considered cheating and I
didn’t understand how having a heart big enough to love more than one person
should be viewed as a bad thing anyway. I
don’t feel like a bad person when I love someone. It suddenly seemed odd to me to expect strict
fidelity out of me in a relationship where no marital vows have been made. I wanted to open up the relationship because
I was dying for the passion that was missing in my current relationship
although I didn’t want to end it.
Unfortunately, he didn’t see things my way, so we parted and settled on
custody of our daughter out of the courts.
It was a peaceful split and we are both happier now. So with these new
ideas, I got involved with a very good friend of mine for about 5 or so
years. Being such good friends, he
wanted to help me out in a difficult situation.
My intimate needs had been neglected for years, and to make the story a
little shorter, he was helping me make up for lost times. Lol. He
was already seeing Isis at the time and I had already met her briefly and loved
her instantly. They were in a “Don’t
ask, don’t tell” open relationship. They
didn’t live together and she resided in Colorado. As My Love and I became more romantic and
more serious, I insisted that he tell and I receive her blessing to proceed
with our relationship. I didn’t want to
feel odd around her when she was in town and I didn’t want to end up being
hidden from her. He was surprised I
cared so much about how she felt. It was
a no-brainer to me because I just thought about how I would feel in her
shoes. After all, this is my first
attempt at a poly amorous relationship.
I had no idea what to expect! Lol. I didn’t know where the boundaries
were laid. I asked a lot of questions
and have read some threads on discussion forums. We’ve all spent times together as a triad
and then there’s been time when it was My Love alone with me. And, of course, then him alone with her. And
thus, our triad was born.
Q: Do you have children? If so, what challenges does parenting as a triad present?
Naomi:
Well, that’s the easy part because
my daughter is mine from another relationship, so that’s between her daddy and
me. My Love acts as a friend with some
authority and Isis is assumed to be a friend when she comes around. As soon as she is old enough to understand
what is going on, I have every intention on being open and honest with her
about it
Q:
Have you talked to your families about it and what was their response?
Naomi: Me? Tell my family?! No…. just no. I have a gay cousin and I think
that’s all my bible thumping family is willing to accept. We are all keeping it from my great
grandmother out of fear of her having a heart attack if she ever finds out, so
she would definitely just die instantly if she knew I was one of 2 women and I
know about it and I’m ok with it. lol.
Q:
What assumptions do people make when they find out you are in a MFF
relationship?
Naomi: People who are not very educated about the subculture of polyamory
usually asks how I deal with the jealousy assuming it’s an obstacle. Of course, you have those feelings, but you
realize they are culturally conditioned feelings. For me, personally, I begin to ask myself for
a reason to be jealous and I can’t ever find one. Then I realize my feelings are superficial. We all three love each other equally but each
dyad within the triad is unique and held equal to each other.
Q:
Do you have a community of friends that also have MFF or MMF relationships or
places that you hang in as a triad?
Naomi: No, not really. We’ve been to a
drum circle together once but we didn’t walk around arms hooked to show off and
make it well known or anything. Isis
went to play drums, I danced and mingled and My Love hung out with other
friends. We don’t announce it but we
don’t hide it either. Many of our
friends in our large circle are also poly, but we are a part of a scene where
non traditional ideals and are more likely shared or accepted.
Q:
And last, do you have anything you would like to say to our readers?
Naomi: If you
are monogamous and thinking about going poly, please do research and really
evaluate and define what your beliefs are and where you want to set your
boundaries. Also, if you have a partner
wanting to explore this world with you, make sure the two of you are on the
same page. I can’t stress enough how
important communication and support is in any relationship, poly or mono. From my experience, although I changed my
mind on how I felt about being in a relationship and being able to see others
at the same time, I still felt jealousy.
I could’ve let that bother me and lash out at my DP, but I realized it
was an irrational feeling especially since I have every right to see other
people, too (not that I’m “allowed” because in reality, no body has authority
to “let” you do anything) and what we do outside of our relationship doesn’t
change how much we love each other.
Jealousy is an unproductive emotion and a waste of energy, but like any
negative feeling you are battling with between your ego and your higher self,
you need to sit with that emotion and find out where it’s really coming from
and if there’s really any good that comes from it.
Thank you so much, Naomi, for spending
your precious time with us. I wish you all the best with your wee family.
Link where you can contact Naomi
For more information about polyamorous
relationship, please visit:
